Here I am pouring out my emotions once again and hopefully for the last time. Doing this, I hope to deal with the complicated and disturbing situation I've gotten myself into once and for all.
Dear ...,
Some friend you are. In my dire need, I've dared to ask for your help, your comfort, your caring gestures, only to have a door shut at my face. I asked for your help in the hope that you'll show me the same comfort and friendship I've bestowed upon you when you once found yourself in a dark time of your life.
I never asked for your friendship. You came offering it with your own free will. What I only did was what anyone would naturally do - accepted it. Little did I know that accepting it would only bring me to this situation that I never expected of being into. This is all new to me. Perhaps it's the reason why I came close to mistaking it for another thing, one which I dread. But it's a good thing a good friend lent me a listening ear and this issue has finally been cleared.
When things started to change, I tried to put up a wall but that same good friend told me that I should know when to put that wall down, enough to let other people know that they matter to me. That I did. And you could guess what happened next - I've only been disappointed at how you acted. This immediately led me to put up that wall again. And this time, I don't plan on putting it down for you anytime soon. Don't get me wrong. I don't plan on distancing myself away from you, I just don't want to be too attached anymore.
Others may get to the conclusion that I'm the victim in this situation. Perhaps I am, perhaps I'm not. After all, this is just one side of the story. Also, it's because that person doesn't know any of this, oblivious of what is happening to me right now. Another friend told me why fix something when it's not broken? So, I'm really not a victim. Because I think for that person, nothing's wrong, nothing needs repairing. And maybe that person's right. It could be that I'm the only one pulling myself deep into this crazy mess. But this is me. I'm comfortable at being honest with my feelings to the point that it has become my own flaw.
But I'll tell you this. I've always been a person who cherishes friendship so much that I could easily give out my trust and forgiveness without any second thought. And perhaps after writing this, I shall find myself forgiving you again, like I've done a number of times now. Forgiving you for the crime you did not know you committed.
Writing is my way of relieving myself off the negativities I feel. Being transparent at what I feel is what I'm best known for and I'm not ashamed of that. I just don't want to be a prisoner of my emotions.
10 DIVINE LETTERS: FRIENDSHIP --- KEEP IT.
Yuck emo! Charing! Lol!
XOXO (Hehe!)
Aimee
