The memories aren't painful to remember, for that I'm very grateful. But at this point, I'd rather forget, for my remembering them only creates a longing which I know won't ever be fulfilled.

I've been down this road before and it wasn't an easy path to walk on. The only difference is that this time, I know it'll be easy. The memories that come with remembering are happy ones, the very reason longing's more powerful rather than pain. Though for most longing comes with pain, I feel rather calm and happy that I have those memories to long for, evidence of their reality once in my life.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and so when something unexpected happens, needless to say, I'm always looking for its purpose. "It's not fair. It wasn't fair. How could I find this - now, in this eleventh hour - and have to leave it? Was it fair that my body and soul couldn't reconcile? Was it fair that I had to love Melanie, too?" Wanderer's thoughts echoed my own, only it was my heart and mind which won't reconcile and what I love was the idea of escaping to a life less complicated. It's probably apparent what choice I made.

I think too much, a habit I've formed over the years - which I badly needed to end. Working and being busy with a lot of things have cured that for some time, but since I now have so much time to spare, my idle mind has gone back to doing its old habit. But it doesn't really bother me that much, surprisingly. I find it rather comforting now as I am able to reflect on things, get my perspectives right, look beyond the downsides and see something positive, find the inspiration to deal with short-lived depressions, learn to accept the way things are now, and finally realize that I needn't dwell on finding answers. Time will provide the answers, as was always the case.

It is with all these in mind that I can remember and long for the nice things that have ended, without the feeling of loss. But for my sake and total peace of mind, I'd try to forget - slowly but surely.

Grateful

Blogging from Richmond, B.C, Canada! Yey! So my friends keep on telling me to create a new blog or rename this blog Canadian Sanctuary. Haha! Not happening though, I'm an Oriental at heart! LOL!

I'm missing everyone already - Sarah, Maje, Anna, Ico, Ronan, Aysa, Brim, Mapet, Angge, Jer, Noymee (LOL! Wag kayong maingay haha!), Carl (yeah, hugs? haha), Beb, and other USAP officemates of course, Ati Posh! My Dcan Barkada, and last but not the least, the Tropang Times! Thanks thanks so much for the memories we've shared throughout the years and thank you again for making my last days with you guys fun and filled with much happiness! I hope I've left good memories worthy to be remembered and missed. :) You've all offered me kind words as parting gifts and I'm endlessly grateful that I was able to share meaningful moments with you and that my advices are well-appreciated. =') To my Campus Gels, you girls are the sweetest best friends anyone could ever have and I'm so blessed that I was able to be friends with you girls! Thanks so much for the bonding moments, chikahan, coffee sessions, mall escapades, movie dates, shopping and window shopping times, "lunch" talks, food trips, lunchouts, out of town escapades, "bar-hopping" emotes, advices shared, especially the heart-to-heart talks, and everything under the sun that we girls did together! They are all remembered at heart and thank God, captured on camera! We'll see each other again, definitely! I love you Sarah, Maje, Anna, and Myrtle! Thank you for being a part of the person I am today. You might not know it, but you've really made a great difference in me - I've grown more confident, more sweet, more thoughtful, and more outgoing - just because you girls have shared with me your time, the most precious gift of all. *Hugggssss* To Ronan and Ico, thank you for being two of my closest guy friends! If I am to thank you both for one thing, that would be the trust you've both have given me. My heart swells at the thought that you think of me as one person who you're both confident and comfortable to share your thoughts with. I hope you don't regret doing so, hehe! Be happy you two, I wish you nothing but that as you both deserve to experience it to the fullest! *Huggggsss* Aysa, wow, special mention ka! Hehe! Anyway, thank you for the long and heart-warming letter you sent me and the blog you've posted about me. You're right, people may see us just as asaran buddies as we can't live a day without teasing each other but really it's just our way to express our lambing (hard to believe as it is haha). I told you a number of times already but just so the blogigng world knows, you are the "Ate" I didn't want to have! Haha! Kididng! See, I can't help but tease you haha! You're the "Ate" I've always longed to have. It's so easy to pour my heart out to you, you always are willing to lend a listening ear and offer a wise and tumpak na advice. You've told me the sweetest thing - that I bring with me a part of your heart here in Canada, that it's mine and no one can take it away. Thanks Aysa! *Huggss* To Beb, hey, thanks so much for making me feel special! Your intention might not be to make me feel that, but nonetheless it did, so thanks! Salamat sa sudden friendship at sa kulitan! *Huggssss* Ati Posh - salamat sa walang humpay na tawanan! Sa mga nakakalokang usapan at gay lingo na mukhang tau lang ang nagkakaintindihan! We might not always talk to each other and our time together, although short, we haven't forgotten to treasure the friendship formed at People Support. Ati, hold on, Elvin, you, and Momoneng will surely be together always, in due time. :) *Hugggsss* Tropang Times, my college barkada - salamat sa muling pagtanggap. This thanks is already way way overdue but thanks, still. Despite the argument we've had and the differences, you guys still welcomed me back with open arms. So thank you for still making me feel a part of this friendship, and for letting me know that I will be missed. *Hugggss* To my Dcan Barkada, my friends for the longest time. Wow, I've only realized now that we've practically grew together, and yet, we're still here, still laughing and sharing moments together! Salamat girls! For being here through thick and thin! Di man tau always nagkakausap at nagkikita, we were never really away from each other, the friendship remained intact. Distance and non-communication may have weakened it a bit, but the fact remains that the friendship is still there and we're always ready to pick up where we left our friendship off. Thanks so much!! Hugsss* All of your best wishes and prayers that I may be successful here are my weapons and they will surely keep me going. Thanks so much guys! God bless po. Till we see each other again... ='D