The memories aren't painful to remember, for that I'm very grateful. But at this point, I'd rather forget, for my remembering them only creates a longing which I know won't ever be fulfilled.
I've been down this road before and it wasn't an easy path to walk on. The only difference is that this time, I know it'll be easy. The memories that come with remembering are happy ones, the very reason longing's more powerful rather than pain. Though for most longing comes with pain, I feel rather calm and happy that I have those memories to long for, evidence of their reality once in my life.
I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and so when something unexpected happens, needless to say, I'm always looking for its purpose. "It's not fair. It wasn't fair. How could I find this - now, in this eleventh hour - and have to leave it? Was it fair that my body and soul couldn't reconcile? Was it fair that I had to love Melanie, too?" Wanderer's thoughts echoed my own, only it was my heart and mind which won't reconcile and what I love was the idea of escaping to a life less complicated. It's probably apparent what choice I made.
I think too much, a habit I've formed over the years - which I badly needed to end. Working and being busy with a lot of things have cured that for some time, but since I now have so much time to spare, my idle mind has gone back to doing its old habit. But it doesn't really bother me that much, surprisingly. I find it rather comforting now as I am able to reflect on things, get my perspectives right, look beyond the downsides and see something positive, find the inspiration to deal with short-lived depressions, learn to accept the way things are now, and finally realize that I needn't dwell on finding answers. Time will provide the answers, as was always the case.
It is with all these in mind that I can remember and long for the nice things that have ended, without the feeling of loss. But for my sake and total peace of mind, I'd try to forget - slowly but surely.
